Keep grinding… and there’ll be nothing but dust left of you
When it comes to burning midnight oil and doing long hours 7 days a week in the build up to whatever new project — I’m an expert. I keep running myself to the ground for over 15 years already. Not proud of it, really! But I do. Being able to earn a living doing something you actually enjoy for most of the time and are even passionate about is awesome. It’s also super tricky and occasionally dangerous.
Ad agencies full of creative mad men and women just like me became my playground in the first decade of the XXI century. Fresh from Ad School (I did while writing my thesis at Uni and working 2 part time jobs) yours truly dived deep into short deadlines, aggressive pitching technics and competitive, ambitious crowd. Less than 2 years in and I found myself loosing ground. Odd what you’ll remember years later — the look from the ER doctor giving me my first nitro and explaining next time I won’t just get close to the myocardial infarction, it might be it for real. Took it as a badge of honour, obviously. While I still did amazingly well at work, my personal life went to shit. That called for a break from the advertising-driven pace of life. Half a year among friends and exploring Scottish outdoors later and I was good as new. My broken heart healed along with my previously overworked body and mind. I was ready for a new chapter and so it happened. Was I having the time of my life or what? — scriptwriting for TV commercials, castings, TV sets, client meetings in skyscrapers and a good deal of parties… Once I even came up with the creative line on the spot and pitched the whole campaign to the board of directors after partying with my friends over the weekend, jumping on the plane and getting to the meeting as it officially started. I was confident, loved my job, and was great at it.
And then I got sick. What seemed like a flu quickly turned into a full blown pneumonia. As I was getting to 3 years mark at this top tier ad agency, working on multimillion accounts for brands I dreamt of creating for at school, my health was deteriorating. And with it my spirit went down as well. When you cannot keep up with the pace at work and after work you become kind of an outsider. Once again I felt burnt out and couldn’t see a point in missing night’s sleep over a new bank launch, or a burger campaign. Exhausted and with no filter for the gossipy and judgy environment I quitted my once a dream job in advertising and became a small local business owner. Being a first time co-founder and managing a company, team of workers, dealing with competition and a financial crisis was both new, exciting and tough. I enjoyed the slow motion pace till I got headhunted and joined a big shot brand in sport and fashion. From running a bmx bike shop and being called “lady-boss” at events we either co-created or sponsored I once again turned to a cubicle way of life.
Cortisol and adrenaline. Stress can make you a junkie in a way. You get on on this hype, this rush of solving problems at the very last moment, putting down imaginary fires, delivering top quality stuff when no one even believed it can be done. Sure, you may cry, get angry at project managers setting unrealistic deadlines but in the end there’s always this feeling of accomplishment, you know you made it again even though it’s hardly humanly possible. You miss meals, you miss sleep, your friends give up on seeing you at gatherings and your body is quitting on you more often than not. If the myocardial infarction was not enough of a wakeup call, the brain tumor certainly was. Before hitting the 3 years mark at the nuts-paced job I got to experience yet another burnout (from hell) that will take 18 months of sabbatical around the globe to recover from and find joy in life and work again.
I came from this eye-opening honeymoon/sabbatical a new person. After living among different cultures, experiencing other ways of life, I now thread carefully. Well, most of the time ;) I still get super passionate about projects and brands I work with. I give it my all and enjoy the ride. But now I also watch out for the signs and never ever give up on myself. Because let’s be honest — our jobs are not us, the shiny startup gig doesn’t define you or me completely, neither does the fancy high-rise corporate position. It’s just part of the puzzle. Startups will squeeze employees like lemons and burn down talent at hyper speed as that’s how you scale the company now (sure there are some exceptions to this rule, like with anything). I watch it left and right, feeling sorry for some, cheering for others that are still keeping up with the pace that’s so nuts. One thing I know for sure — it’s tricky and dangerous not to listen to my body when it cries for help.
Cortisol, adrenaline, dopamine. Deadlines, launches, spiked KPIs, conferences, flights, high expectations. My high. Years ago I learnt I’ll never be able to quit cold turkey. Hell, I don’t want too! All those interesting people, all this inspiration in the air. I loved this mess of a life I got myself into from day one and I still won’t change it for anything (gave the regular 9–5 a try, it’s a strong Pass). But in time I developed a set of tools I can turn to every time the pace of professional life becomes unbearable. I go off social media and to the great outdoors; complete a project and take as much time off as I need (be it a month or 3) before jumping into another startup madness ;)
I found out the hard way that if my immune system crashes it’s time for holidays and a full-on reset. Even if slowing down is the last thing I want to do, I don’t question my body and mind’s needs. I do ashtanga yoga, hiking, spend time with friends and family. The extraverted networker disappears giving way to the nerdy introverted bookworm in me and it’s like time travel to summers at my grandma’s holiday home and weeks of reading in the hammock set in the orchard behind the house. While exercising and nature walks go a long way, I also take care of a healthy diet, put pause on any alcohol consumption and don’t skimp on sleep.
As much as it is an exciting and interesting industry, to be in tech is also very demanding and quite a challenge not to join the “hustle porn” frenzy. This is why voices such as Stewart Rogers’ or Neil S W Murray’s are so important. We need to understand that “working too hard is making us ill” and apart from being pure-evil it’s totally counter-productive. Check out Cara Curtis’s write up from Stewart’s talk on mental health in tech at TechChill, or better yet see the video from his talk on YouTube:
I couldn’t agree more with his points there. The tech industry motion of “move fast and break things” can easily end up with you being the broken thing left behind. So while you keep grinding make sure you’re aware of the consequences that hustling has on your health. Also, from my perspective working with startup founders and C-suite execs, the best outcome from strategy sessions and long-term goal settings happens after the good night’s sleep, at team retreat and such — when your mind is calm, your brain rested and you’re gaining perspective. Time to truly embrace the “work smarter, not harder” approach and bring balance to the hustle, that’s religiously promoted as the only right path.
